What I’m trying to teach my daughter about body-image
Practical tips and ways of thinking I’m trying to teach to my daughter about body love, acceptance, confidence, and self-worth.
What did you hear other women say about their bodies growing up? What did they say about your body? How were bodies, self-worth, image, and confidence talked about?
What we learned about our bodies and how to talk about them becomes a thick lens and filter for how we look at ourselves and the words we use. It’s incredibly common and I think normalized that it’s “fine” to talk about the female body from a young age. I already see it happening with my daughter, and to be honest and I can hear myself doing it at times too.
I’ve rarely been in conversations with women that appreciated and accepted their bodies; however, I’ve been in countless conversations with women on the topic of what they’d like to change or what they’d like to do differently/better. I think this should change. I realize it might feel weird and uncomfortable to appreciate, accept, and even like or love your body - but this should be more of the norm than the exception. It saddens me that we limit ourselves and take fewer opportunities, due to feeling we are less than enough, not pretty enough, not fit enough, or whatever negative thought you might have about your body. Because often, when we don’t feel good about our physical appearance, we make ourself smaller in the ways we can, take fewer opportunities, and we obsess and spend massive amounts of time/energy on how we look rather than being present in the exact moment we have. I’ve worked with so many beautiful women that sat across from me in therapy expressing they feel “ugly”, “not as pretty as her”, “too fat” or “not good enough” - because that was the lens and belief they held held onto. It was incredibly sad to see how this belief limited their life in so many areas. It took up space it didn’t need to. It caused them more grief and pain than it needed to.
I think there have been significant efforts and some good changes made on this topic in our society; however, there is still so much room to improve on this topic in our culture.
So what would it look like if you started to give yourself permission to like, love, and accept your body for where it is now AND for where it’s going? I’m a believer in health and fitness and treating your body well, but - I believe we should do this from a place of love, compassion, and acceptance that we will never be perfect. That we should learn to love and appreciate our body for so much more than just how it looks. That perhaps we should spend more of our precious and limited time on other areas of life.
With that, here are some practical tips and ways of thinking to help you love, accept, and appreciate your body right where it is, right now. I hope these thoughts help guide you to more self-love and acceptance in relation to your body — and help you live a fuller life with more opportunities and freedom.
Please know, I am very aware that body image, body acceptance, and how we feel about ourselves can go much deeper than just the need for practical tips. However, I do think that for a lot of us, practical tips can help shift our thoughts/focus and improve our self-acceptance and body image dramatically.
If you feel body image/self-acceptance and self-worth is something you’d like to work on in a more in depth and deeper way, please know you are not alone, are in good company, and I’d love to help you with the deeper roots of it. Please reach out so we can talk more jess@besecurelyher.com - I’m just an email away. =)
But in the meantime, here are a few practical tips to help you enjoy your summer more by loving and accepting yourself right where you are at- right now.
I’m hoping to teach these to my daughter, so that with each generation we lessen the negative diet culture and focus more on health, wellness, and self-love/acceptance.
So here they are!
Things I want to teach my daughter about body love, acceptance, and self-worth.
No body is perfect. We all have our imperfections, cellulite, or blemishes. So why expect anything different? Remind yourself of this when you start to pick or get negative when you look at yourself.
No one gets to define your worth, but you. - You might not think this is true, but it really is.
Don’t ever compare. Not to build yourself up or tear yourself down. When we compare to build our self up, that’s a false sense of confidence. A truly confident person that knows their self-worth doesn’t need to compare themselves to feel good. Likewise, we shouldn’t compare to others we feel look better or are better in any way. How is this serving us? Instead of using the word better, lets replace it with “different.” Because we are all different. It’s really hard to fairly compare different.
Avoid triggers that cause us to feel less than (social media, magazines, tv shows, etc) If you walk away from looking at, watching something, or engaging with someone and you feel less than - avoid it if you can. At least until you are in a better season/place/mindset. Why subject yourself to something that makes you feel worse?
Leading by example. When you are with a group of friends or family and they start to pick at themselves, don’t join in. Say something positive to challenge the direction of the conversation or walk away. People struggle with being challenged - they find it more comfortable in their known misery than changing it. And it’s amazing at how many people want you to be miserable with them. It’s easier for them.
When you don’t like something about yourself, ask yourself why? What meaning are you attaching to it? If you aren’t the size you’d like to be, what meaning are you giving that to yourself? That you aren’t disciplined? That you are lazy or not good enough? Challenge this and ask yourself if this is fact?
If you were to meet your idea of perfection, what would it change in your life? If you were to be the size you’d like to be, what would that change about this moment? Would you be happier? If you think so, then move forward trying to accomplish your goal, but do it with self-love and acceptance along the way. We are MUCH less likely to accomplish change from a place of punishment and shame than with love and compassion.
Don’t let yourself fixate on one feature you don’t like. I find this one extra important, because I’ve seen it so much in women. They will have a specific feature or thing about themselves that they focus on and want so badly to be different. They spend massive amounts of time and energy trying to change something that sometimes can’t even be changed. Interrupt that thought pattern of repeating what you don’t like about yourself. What you feed, grows.
Focus on the things you do like. Let yourself like yourself, including features, attributes, personality traits, etc.
Remind yourself: IT SHOULD NOT BE UNCOMMON TO LOVE AND LIKE MY BODY.
You can’t shame yourself to change.
Movement or food should never be used as punishment. Instead nourishment, pleasure, fun, health, wellness, and longevity are long-lasting motivators for true change. Ask yourself “what is my why?”
Your worth is not in your physical body.
Your body is for so much more than just looking good.
Identify and manage your expectations. Stop “shoulding” on yourself of what you “should” look like or “should be doing.”
Learn to appreciate your body for what it does. Truly think about the beauty of what your body does for you. Walk, run, hike, bike, play with your kids, allows you to think, love, speak, work, talk to those you love. It does so much more than we realize every single day.
Have you ever met your goals? Why not? Are they realistic? Have you met them and not allowed yourself to be good enough? Or is it possible that your goals will never feel like enough, because the issue might be deeper and you need to work on yourself internally?
Be mindful of what you make your identity. Being a runner, biker, or athlete is one part of you not all of you. Be flexible with seasons of life and changes.
ALL of us age. In a society that glorifies youth, this is really hard. Finding a balance of how to take care of you the best you can as you age is helpful, but acceptance of this fact is also helpful. To age is to be alive. And that’s just the fact about being human.
Invest in yourself. Do things physically and mentally that help you to feel good. When we invest time into ourselves to feel our best, we improve our confidence, self-worth, and feel better overall. Wear something you actually like and feel good in, make time to do hobbies, be with friends, go to therapy, meditate, pray, move and eat well — figure out what helps you connect with yourself and feel your best, then create time and space for it. Make yourself a priority too. This sets you up to feel more confident, invested in, and proves to yourself you are worth it too. Because you are.
Do you have any thoughts to add? What helps you to feel confident about your body? What might you need to let go of?
As always, if you’d like to work on this topic together, I’m an email away! :) jess@besecurelyher.com
Wishing you a beautiful summer full of fun and loving memories.
-Jess
Securely Her