What is your worth? The concept of self-worth and how to improve it.

What gives someone worth? 

A topic that comes up often with clients of mine. 

If we grew up in homes with dysfunction, abuse, and/or neglect - it’s not uncommon to struggle with self worth. And perhaps not in ways you think. Maybe you can easily recognize that for the most part, you are pretty comparable to other people, but you fall into habits of earning your worth.

This might look like…

By being the perfect partner that is always loving, supportive, and doesn’t have needs.

By being the most accomplished and responsive employee at work.

By making more money than the people around you.

By working your way up the ladder and having a high status title.

By keeping a perfect house and well behaved, good looking children.

By making sure you always maintain your weight.

These are ways that seeking self worth in unhealthy ways sneak up on us. We don’t always notice it, but often our motive for some of our behavior is to earn our worth, love, affection, or recognition from others.

But here’s the thing, you don’t need to be perfect to keep someone around or to prove you have worth (to yourself and/or to others).

Because, the reality is…

You can’t earn worth and you can never lose it.

You just have it. You and me. It’s the same. When we recognize and accept that, we have a stronger sense of safety, acceptance, and ease, because we aren’t working so hard for something we can lose. It’s ours to keep.

When we learn to accept this, our worth becomes a stable foundation to everything we do or try. We create a safe landing no matter what. We become a safe place for ourselves. This is the beauty of knowing and owning your self-worth. 

Sometimes in the process of accepting our self-worth we have to learn to let go of and heal shame, guilt, regret, deep hurts and better understand trauma that happened to us. For instance, we might need to recognize that what happened to us, was about someone else - not us. We don’t need to carry the shame of someone else (including our parents). What happened to us was not about our worth.

Letting go of all of this will make it easier to accept your worth. It might take time, restructuring cognitive beliefs, and challenging old thinking patterns - but it’s so worth it.

I recommend seeking a professional to help with this process. Someone who can hold space for you while you grieve, release, heal, and grow.

If you need resources and would like to talk more, I’m here. Even if I’m not the right fit for what you are looking for, I can definitely assist with helping you find someone who can.

Remember, you are worth it.

With Love,

Jessica - Securely Her